What if I Make a Mistake?
Oops! It’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. If you make a mistake, the best thing to do is stop yourself, and restate the sentence with the correct pronoun.
Do not apologize, as that may make the person you are talking to feel that they have to say “oh that’s okay” when it really is not! So, restate the sentence, throwing in a phrase like “My apologies, I mean to say…” then restate your sentence with the correct pronouns.
If you realize your mistake after the conversation, apologize in private and move on.
It can be tempting to go on and on about how bad you feel that you messed up using someone’s pronouns. Or let others know how hard it is for you to get it right. Please do not do this! It is very inappropriate and makes the person who was misgendered feel awkward and responsible for your feelings. It is not their responsibility to comfort you.
In classes, you make hear a student use the wrong pronoun for someone. If you take an active role in correcting this, it is appropriate in most situations to correct them at the moment to prevent the further embarrassment of the misgendered individual. To be an ally you could say something along the lines of: “Sam uses the pronoun he,” and then move on. If the other student (or faculty) continues to be misgendered to someone, do not ignore it. You may want to follow up with the offender after clarifying pronouns, or the person who was misgendered to ask what their level of comfort is, and what type of support they would like to receive in the future. It would be appropriate to say to the misgendered individual: “I noticed that you were getting referred to with the wrong pronoun earlier, and I know that that can be really hurtful. Would you be okay with me taking them aside and reminding them about your pronouns?”
Being an ally and caring about other’s pronouns can be greatly appreciated.